Picasso Has Nothing On Allie

I picked Allie up at preschool yesterday and Miss Karina took me aside for a little 'chat'.  Earlier in the day, Allie had gone to her-crying about a 'bad thing' she had done- and Miss Karina figured that whatever it was, guilt had gotten the better of her....I'm not convinced this was case but, since I wasn't there, I'll go with the teacher's interpretation.

"Allie, what's wrong, sweetie?  Miss Karina had asked, alarmed.  (Allie doesn't dissolve into tears on a regular basis.)

"I did something not nice."  Allie said, hanging her head.

"What did you do?"  Miss Karina said and was, no doubt, busy scanning the classroom to see if any other children were crying.  None were.

"When I was at home this morning...I drew a picture of Bryce." 

"Oh.  Did you bring it with you?  Did you want to give it to Bryce?" 

"No!  It was a not-nice picture!" 

"Why was it 'not nice'?"  I'm sure Miss Karina was thinking she'd intentionally colored him green and turned him into a martian or a monster.  Allie doesn't have a history of being particularly kind to little boys who tease her...(last year she had to make apologies to the bigger boys who ransacked her playhouse.  She'd told them if they didn't get out she was going to kill them...I know which boys she was referring to and it was difficult to blame her but I understand we can't let her get into a habit of threatening to 'kill' anyone!)

"I drew Bryce wearing a dress."  Allie said.

"Did you bring the picture to school?"  Miss Karina asked.

"No."

"So Bryce hasn't seen the picture?"

"No.  I think I should probably go tell him I'm sorry."

"Did you tell him about the picture?"  Miss Karina asked.

"No."

"Well, then, I think it would be better if you didn't tell him about that."

"But it was mean."

At this point of Miss Karina's recollection, the wheels in my brain are beginning to turn.  I imagine that as Allie is telling this story, her little clique of friends are deciding which one gets to nark on Allie for drawing the picture in the first place. I'm also guessing Allie was just looking for a laugh  and thought it was a funny story... but then regretted her decision...because clique or no clique...preschoolers are notorious tattletales and she knew it was a matter of time before Lauren or Samantha or Tawny ratted her out.

I could spend all day wondering why Allie drew Bryce wearing a dress.  Upon telling Kevin the story, he thought Allie had done it because she liked Bryce but, since boys are the equivalent of rabid dogs in Allie's world, she couldn't very well hang out with him unless she 'turned him into a girl'.  Makes sense.  If it had been Sophie who drew the picture, I'd agree with the logic.  Allie, on the other hand, was most likely being a turkey because Bryce had made her mad at some point in the not-too-distant past.  I'm almost positive that the picture stayed home ONLY because she'd forgotten it that morning and if it had made it into the classroom, she'd have given it to him.

Miss Karina, however, decided to give Allie the benefit of the doubt and she made a pact with her:  Allie would go home and throw away 'Bryce In A Dress' and draw another picture of Bryce in his jeans.  Miss Karina was hoping I could help Allie find a fresh sheet of paper and her crayons when we got home that day.  While telling me the story, Karina was holding back laughter, struggling to look serious. I  followed her lead and attempted to remain straightfaced (in case Allie was listening to the conversation( but everytime Karina and I looked at eachother we had to fight back waves of laughter. 

Only my four-year-old could have figured out that drawing a boy in a dress was an insult and I think her 'tears' were her attempt at damage control-not shame.  I'm all for 'girl power' but, suddenly, I have this weird feeling that Kindergarten is going to require me to spend a great deal of time in the principals office discussing Allie's behavior.  Lucky me. 

I still haven't found the picture but when I do, I'm uploading it.  Stay tuned.

The Tooth Fairy Rides Again!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Bicuspid, Batman!  "I'm Back in the saddle again!  I'm Ba-ack!  I'm Ba-ack!" (thanks, Steven Tyler and Aerosmith)

We were finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Our bank accounts (and Allie's piggy bank) had recovered from the national debt that was incurred when Sophie decided to shed teeth like our dog sheds fur in hot weather.  I thought we might actually get to take a vacation, buy a new car...do something frivolous with our re-allocated funds...but NOOOO-OOOO.

No, Allie,  aka My-Teeth-Make-Good-Can-Openers, decided if mom was on the phone she wasn't going to bother asking for help to open the new container of Play-Doh.  Big girls don't need help with that stuff!  This was a battle she was sure she could win...until the Play-Doh lid KO'd her tooth in Round One.

Everybody that knows me is well-aware of my ability to handle injuries and blood.  I'm the one that will be crawling around the kitchen floor looking for your fingertip after a vegetable chopping accident while dodging the stream of blood spurting from your stump.  Hell, I'll even baggy the sucker in ice and tote it to the hospital for you if you want.  No problem.  Just don't, and I repeat, DON'T, bring me your mouth wounds...wait...scratch that...go ahead and bring me YOUR mouth wounds, just don't bring me my CHILDREN'S mouth wounds.  I get a little weak in the knees.  I'm horrid, really, because I look at my two beautiful, wonderful, perfect girls and I don't want to find out they've knocked out a tooth they might need, risking their beautiful smiles.  And, just so you know?  Bleeding mouths totally freak me out.

So, I'm chatting away on the phone and Allie comes racing up the stairs (looking like the boogyman has dropped by for a visit or something) and begins to shake and she's white as a sheet so I bend down to ask her what's wrong and-- 'BLAGH!'-- she spits a mouthful of blood.  I, being a pansy in this arena, give a little shriek, "OH!" and this scares the you-know-what out of Allie.  If mom is freaked, it must be serious.  Of course, I recover quickly and move to tell her she will be fine but its too late.  The 'mommy-make-everything-better' ship has sailed and she's not buying it.

"Where's the tooth, honey?"
"I don't know!!!!!!!!!!" she wails.

I give her a paper towel to bite on and we go back down to the kitchen to have a look.  Shouldn't be a problem, right?  Well, it wouldn't have been if she'd lost the tooth before she opened the WHITE can of Play-Doh. (FYI: The magenta Play-Doh was the culprit in the tooth battle).  In any case, there are teensy-tiny white bits all over the kitchen table and I can't find the tooth.

"Allie, did you accidently swallow the tooth?"  I asked.
"NO!  Why??? Am I going to die?" She says and starts to shake again.
"No, it just means I'm wasting my time looking in the Play-Doh."
"Well, what could happen if I did swallow it?"

Ah-ha!  I suddenly know how to fix this situation.  Mommy blew it by freaking out in the first place but as all observant children know, A mommy NEVER jokes when there is a serious injury at hand.  So, I smile and pat her on the head.

"You might poop a tooth."  I tell her, which is exactly the right words to say...because she opens her mouth and starts laughing, leaving me with an unobstructed view of the gaping hole between her bottom teeth.  She's better, of course, but I'm suddenly sad.  I don't want her to grow up so fast....and now she's having her very first visit from the tooth fairy.  Where did my baby go???

The tooth fairy is really glad Allie feels better but she's sort of sad to realize how quickly her baby is growing up...I spot the tooth on the kitchen floor and grab it, which brings me to the next dilemma:

I have some one dollar bills and a five dollar bill.  I also have a ton of coins.  I'm leaning toward the dollar as Tooth Fairy payment but then remember the desperation of scraping together cash for Sophie's first tooth.  She got twenty bucks as I recall...its all I had.  It seems kind of chintzy to give Allie a buck after that...Kevin and I agree on the five.

Let's say it all together now...."This could get expensive!"

The forecast? Hot. Balmy. Melting Polar Ice Caps Kind Of Hot...

I just discovered I've been living under a rock.  While the rest of the country is busy embracing environmentally friendly lifestyles, I've just discovered we have an actual recycling bin.  I'm a little slow on the uptake so I didn't realize that saving the polar bears is actually a legitimate concern and who knew those funky Toyota Prius's actually serve a purpose...well aside from being the ugliest friggin' cars on the planet...low emissions.  Good for the air.  Good for the polar bears.  Bad for the social lives of anyone under 50 who considers driving them.  Unfortunately, this 'go green/ save the planet' stuff is starting to scare me...and not because I'm worried about the ozone layer's depletion....

One of my friends recently told me she'd come across environmentally friendly feminine hygiene products.  Ewww. Seriously, though?  I'd totally AGREE to drive a Prius if somebody told me I'd have to reuse my maxi pads if I didn't.  Really, could there be anything worse than a reusable maxi pad?  How bout an environmentally friendly reasuble maxi pad kit, complete with cloth pads, some kind of detergent and a special 'soaking pot' to clean the pads? I'll tell you what's worse...the cute little vinyl bag designed for storage of used/dirty pads   You are forced to walk around with this little gift in your $400 Coach handbag.  Ewww.  Just.  Ewww. Sick and wrong.  Can you imagine having your purse snatched while toting one of these things?  Robber opens  purse and -SURPRISE! Want to bet the purse snatcher would totally be scared straight after that?  Lends a whole new perspective to the phrase "on the rag" doesn't it?  Don't believe me on this one?  Google "environmentally friendly maxi pad".  I'm still having nightmares. 

Oh, and no offense intended, but if this is the sacrifice I have to make to help curb global warming then I suggest you all go out and buy a freakin' air conditioner because things are gonna get downright tropical in the future...sorry Polar Bear...you're cute and all...but nothing's THAT cute.

Christmas Miracles

Having spent the majority of the holiday season knee-deep in shopping and wrapping, it seems as though the true meaning of Christmas has taken a backseat.  I'm guessing this is true of most families.  Its easy to become distracted by the commercialism and forget 'the reason for the season'. 

I came across a news story that gave me a case of the warm-fuzzies.  With all the talk of Obama's healthcare plans, continued trouble in the Middle East, flu updates, financial woes and how the retail industry is faring in our precarious economy, its rather refreshing to read a story like this: CLICK HERE

Now, you can say whatever you want about this story, make whatever excuses you want about how a woman clinically dead delivered a dead baby and returned to the land of the living but the bottom line is that even the doctors are stunned and that tells me modern medicine had less to do with the mother and baby being revived and more to do with the hand of God.  This story reminds me of what Christmas is all about, a time of faith and hope and miracles.

And let me just add a little quote from the Book of Matthew:

"Jesus...said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:26

So there you have it.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

So, Where's MY New Car??

Watch a little television during the holiday season and you might walk away feeling just a little left out of all the good stuff.  You might even wonder why your husband doesn't get a clue.  For the record, I think holiday commercials are designed to make husbands everywhere look like the Grinch That Stole Christmas.  The spirit of Christmas is lost on advertisers, apparently, and I wonder what EXACTLY they put under the tree for their own spouses every year...