Sunday, February 22, 2009


Crazy-Van-Lady Gives BlackHart The "Family Wave"



WARNING: THIS ENTRY CONTAINS, ON AVERAGE, MORE SWEAR WORDS THAN ANY OTHER ENTRY, TO DATE.

Hey, I'm not one to bitch about a swear word (obviously). You want to throw an F-bomb into an adult conversation, I'm not going to be the one judging you. There are a couple of caveats, however. One, swearing on an elementary school campus with an audience of 8 to 10 year olds is inexcusable. Two, to use an F-bomb in conjunction with what my mom-in-law calls "the family wave" in the pickup lane of said elementary school (also with an audience of 8-10 year olds) is wrong on so many levels, I don't even know where to start. Add in the fact that the waver/f-bomber is a fellow elementary school mom and 'wrong' doesn't even factor into the equation. This lady is EVIL.

Apparently, I never got the memo about the proper protocol for pickup lane procedures and, even worse, nobody even warned me that it existed. I don't know which rule I broke and I'm not entirely sure at what point I broke it. All I know for sure is that I was parked five cars back in the pickup lane, waiting for school to let out. I was flipping through a magazine and eating a breakfast bar when a friend of mine strolled by the car. She waved, said hello, and came over to chat. Five minutes or so went by and I heard the final bell ring and watched the kids pour out of the classrooms. The car in front of me moved forward. So did I.



Then the driver of the minivan behind me started shouting that I had cut her off. I'd only moved five feet in ten minutes, I'd stayed in line, how did I cut her off? This is perplexing to me, even a week later. I can only assume that she'd mistook me for someone else. Or she is a headcase and needs her meds refilled. In any case, I didn't respond. Ignoring her outburst, I thought, would make her less inclined to continue. It didn't. She started swearing. And pointing. At me. I was little afraid for my safety at that point. I wanted, desperately, to ask what rule I'd broken, but I wasn't about to ask a raving lunatic and risk getting punched in the nose.

I pulled my car up to the pickup benches and Sophie straggled over, dragging her backpack, looking tired. She opened up the door and it was then I heard the distinct string of obscenities directed at me from the minivan. Sophie hopped in and asked why somebody was saying the "F Word" to me. I shrugged. The three rows of benches beside the car were filled with waiting kids, all watching with rapt attention as van lady ripped me a new asshole. Finally, it just became too much. The van pulled up beside me and I lowered the window.
"You, ma'am, are completely out of line and should be ashamed of your behavior. This is an elementary school campus not a prison yard." (I'm paraphrasing here.)

The woman flipped me the bird, yelled "F*&% You!" then called me a female dog before driving away. I was incensed. I hopped out of the car and went to the nearest teacher, demanded to know who the woman was. Nobody had a clue. I went to the office, complained to the staff, still nobody had any idea who this person was. I even emailed the principal.

The moment I stepped out of the car, every parent in the pickup lane knew I was fairly upset. They had witnessed some, if not all, of the drama and as the PTC secretary, I'm sure they would have been horrified if I'd responded in kind to the crazy van-lady. I'm human, I would have loved nothing more than to send a couple of F-bombs right back in her direction but I had my children in the car and I had at least 30 other children watching crazy van-lady let loose. As far as I was concerned, the best response was to reply in a way that ensured any child who'd been present for crazy van-lady's performance knew that her behavior was not something to be emulated.

At the end of the day, I stand by my reaction. I don't want my children to believe it is simply 'okay' to swear and use obscene finger gestures just because the mood strikes them and they need a target. It is not.

Note to Crazy-Van-Lady: I'm very sorry that your personal life, upbringing and education have brought you to a place where publically spewing your toxic venom is considered acceptable. I'm very sorry that my children had to hear it. I'm very sorry the other children had to hear it. I'm beyond sorry that your own children had to hear it and then be driven home by you. I'm afraid that violent behavior must be the norm in your home and this saddens me, as well. I hope you find peace. I hope you find happiness. I hope you find kindness and love in your life.

I also hope the next time you behave so inappropriately that there is someone JUST LIKE YOU on the receiving end who pops you in the mouth. I will publically decry the physical violence, but I'll be applauding on the inside. Even the biggest bullies eventually get a taste of their own medicine, I just want to be witness to yours. Thanks for the drama and have a nice day!