I Spent The Night In a Thailand Jail

Sophie's Girl Scout troop decided to do an overnight 'camping' trip to Monterey Bay Aquarium. (I admit, this is not real camping, but as it did require public bathroom facilities and a sleeping bag, in my world, 'roughing it' would be an understatement...). We were admitted to the Aquarium about seven o'clock, just before closing time on a Saturday evening. We'd had dinner at Bubba Gumps, so nobody was particularly hungry when we schlepped all our tote bags, pillows and sleeping bags two blocks from the parking lot we'd found. The wind had picked up, as it normally does on Cannery Row, and while it should have chilled me to the bone, I was sweating like a pig on a spit from the two block hike.

When we checked in, the hand-stamper-guy assured us that there would be refreshments, including coffee, upon entrance. We debated making a Starbucks run, just in case, but were told that outside food and drinks were forbidden. Wanting to set a good example, we cheerfully agreed that the Aquarium coffee was probably just as good, no big deal. Only, once we'd stowed our gear, we couldn't find anything resembling coffee on the premises (well, there were the giant urns in the cafe, but they were empty and the place was closed!) I finally stumbled upon a water cooler and a stack of paper cones provided for the campers. ONE bottle for 300 people??? I guess we were expected to dip our cones into the shark tank when we ran out.

We received a copy of the evening's schedule and a general sense of panic descended on us all. Tours and activities and movies to be held throughout the facility stretched until nearly midnight. We had a dozen girls to supervise and not a whit of caffeine between us. I don't know who first mentioned smuggling in contraband lattes, but when we asked to step outside, we were told that the buildings had been shut up like Fort Knox. We're talking door locks, alarms, steel gates, the works.

We regrouped to discuss our setback in what was to labeled "Operation Coffee Addict". I thought kindness might be the best way to handle the situation, schmooze the guards, flatter them into opening the gates. I concocted a great story about one Girl Scout's need for medication that had been inadvertently left in the car and I couldn't possibly walk two blocks alone in the dark to get it....it worked, we escaped and ran hellbent for leather to the nearest Starbucks where we proceeded to spend a $100 on over-priced bottled waters and a dozen espresso drinks and with no way to camouflage our coffee to sneak it past the guards. (FYI, I did not tell the medication story in the presence of the Girl Scouts...lying is wrong, people!)

I'm in denial about my age. I forgot that to a twenty-year old security guard, I'm a real live adult. A mother. An authority figure. I'm not happy about being perceived as 'old' but one of the perks is bullying the rent-a-cop (threaten to call his mother) into allowing the coffee into the building. Fortunately, my compatriots were much more savvy about this maneuver and got us back into the Aquarium before the coffee cooled off. We gulped it down, knowing additional coffee was to be provided at "snack-time". Snack time was a major disappointment. Milk and cookies for 300. We were supervised to ensure we took only ONE cookie and were advised that there would be no "seconds". Our friendly neighborhood rent-a-cop was not in charge of the cookie table. I ate my one cookie, wishing I had a cup of coffee to pour some of my milk into. I should have rationed my latte. Hindsight is 20/20.

By the time we were instructed to find a place to unroll the sleeping bags, we were thirsty and hungry and slightly irritated to discover that only ONE restroom had been unlocked for all the females in the building. It had four stalls and three sinks. I only hoped our girls hadn't filled up on milk or paper cones of water. Otherwise, we were going to have a serious problem on our hands. Additionally, we discovered that privacy was at a premium. We were all to bed down on the same floor; men, women and children, most of whom were strangers, and sleep side-by-side. I was horrified. I didn't think I could do this. Our troop leader came up with a sleeping diagram designed to keep our girls insulated from potential perverts who might wander the premises in the dark. This diagram ensured our girls had no contact with strangers but it DID ensure we adults were sleeping beside complete strangers all night long....not exactly my idea of a one night stand.

We were wall-to-wall sleeping bags in front of the Jelly Fish exhibit. I'd dressed for Monterey's chilly evenings. I did not take into consideration that the Aquarium's ventilation system is on a timer set to regular business hours. I did not realize that between the water-filled tanks, lack of fresh air and 299 bodies, the place was going to become downright tropical minutes after the lights went out. I was no longer sweating like a pig on a spit. I was raining perspiration and from the smell of it, more than one camper had discovered that on occasion...deodorant can fail. I imagine our evening was akin to being jailed in Thailand. (Not that I've been to Thailand, but I have cable, afterall).

When the sun came up, we rushed the cafe for our complimentary breakfast (cranberry bread and Folgers coffee anyone?) before tackling each other in our attempts to get out of the building as fast as possible. Unshowered, un-caffeinated, unfed and sleep-deprived, we made our way home...it was an adventure. The fish were nice. I would have like them better during normal business hours. Sans sleeping bag. This camping thing is torture. The kids enjoyed it, though. I high-fived the rent-a-cop on my way out the door. He looked relieved to see us go.