CNN: Fair and Balanced -or-People Magazine in Disguise?

Is it just me or has news journalism reached a new low? Wherever I turned, it got weirder and weirder last night. Opened my laptop, see this little Michael Jackson tidbit ...and then it just went downhill from there. I turned on the television and the cable news shows were the equivalent of reading People magazine (Not that I don't like People magazine, mind you, just not for relevant information). Here are the highlights:

Child-Rearing: What NOT To Do: I'll admit it, I once bought a backpack leash for my toddler...before you freak out, let me explain. We'd planned a trip to Disneyland and I was having panic attacks about how easily she could wander away in a crowd of people. So, I went to the local Target and bought one. (That was three years ago. It is still in the box it came in, I chickened out.)

In any event, some lady in Alabama was captured on cell phone video dragging her kid through a Verizon store on a leash,..the kid is on his back sliding along the floor and mom is hauling tail so he's getting the ride of his life. This might not be quite so heinous if he didn't appear to have the leash around his neck. Here's the story. Can't quite believe it? Here's the video. First of all, as a mother, I know we all have moments of total frustration. However, at what point could this ever be considered a reasonable response to a toddler's less-than-perfect behavior? Why didn't she just write "Arrest Me: I routinely harm small children" on her forehead? This calls for mandatory sterilization, if you ask me. Nobody should be allowed to pass their idiot genes on to future generations....except she already did.

John And Kate Plus Eight: The Gosselins have hit the skids and FINALLY split up. I don't care if Kate sounds like the Wicked Witch of the West while being filmed. If I had eight kids to deal with and a husband like him, I'd sound a lot worse than she does. He walks around like an idiot with his mouth hanging open until he's expected to actually do something...which he always screws up. He's lucky he got out of that marriage with certain body parts intact. I'd have sent him out of there a eunach. (For the record, I could have fifteen children with my husband and he'd have every single one of them dressed, fed and off to school with their homework done before I even got out of bed in the morning....damn, I really did win the husband lottery....did I mention he's the reason I didn't have to break out the leash in Disneyland???)

Note to whatever 22-year-old booty call JG's currently romancing: You are a bloody idiot. Eight children couldn't get him to act like an adult, he's not going to change. Run like hell. (and for goodness sake, use birth control, his child support payments are already going to be spread pretty thin.)

Bill Clinton Secures A Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card: Okay, this one has bugged me for months, if only because I like Lisa Ling and can't imagine the terror of having my own sibling locked in a N. Korean prison for five minutes let alone be sentenced to 12 years there. One of those women is the mother of a preschooler and that must have been absolute torture. ( I could give you my opinion on a mother who intentionally goes anywhere near the N. Korean border for the sake of her career when she has a baby at home but I'm not here to bash the poor woman).

I'm just going to say that Bill Clinton should now be officially forgiven for ruining Monica Lewinsky's blue dress back in the nineties. He's kind of a hero, isn't he? (Did I say that in my out loud voice?) Well, you know what I mean.

I still think Kim Jong Il is a freaky psycho running around in silk pajamas, though, and he's a little too fascinated with plutonium for my liking, whether he let those journalists out or not. No brownie points for him....besides, he's already overdrawn in this department.

It's just good to know the two journalists at the center of all this made it safely back to American soil. (Now, would somebody please hide their damn passports...)

Pretty Boy Blogger Goes Ballistic: A nutjob in Pennsylvania is sick of being lonely and can't figure out why, if he exersizes himself into the 'perfect physique', lays in a tanning bed, smells nice (and bleaches his teeth from the look of the photos I've seen) why women aren't beating down his door to date him. It's too late to give him a heads-up, obviously, seeing as he's dead, but here are some tips for other single guys desperate for relationships:

1. Unless a guy has a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, there is no excuse for him to spend more time on his physical appearance than the average woman does on hers. Besides, what girl wants to date a guy prettier than she is?

2. Blogging about your desperation in the privacy of your own home is only eclipsed by blogging about your suicidal/homicidal daydreams in the privacy of your own home (not to mention actually admitting on your blog that you haven't had sex since the mid-eighties). Get a clue--> You are a total freak and most women have pretty keen freak-o-meters.

3. Unless you are the elephant man, personality trumps pretty-boy every time. Just so you know.

4. Whipping out your firearms and blowing away a gym filled with women is taking the "I have a crush on you so I'm going to pull on your pig tail at recess" thing a wee bit too far.

5. Do most men really care how they smell? I mean, so long as they shower and use deodorant, its all good...(refer to point 3, above).

6. Hey, I feel for any guy who hasn't gotten laid since the mid-eighties, truly I do, but wouldn't it have been simpler (and less of a headache, no pun intended) to hire a prostitute? I mean, if you're already planning on breaking the law, the least you could do is help out a working girl and leave the gym rats in peace.

Helter-Skelter Rides Again: One of the Manson family members is set to be released from prison. For those who rode into life on the coattails of the Baby Boomer generation and for Gen-X and beyond, Lynette "Squeaky"Fromme is the poster-child of why we should all 'just say no' to drugs. She thought Charles Manson was one cool dude and was sent to prison after pointing a gun at President Ford in 1975, not to mention being suspected of lacing hamburgers with LSD to poison a 'snitch'. In a perfect world, you shouldn't get a do-over after something like that. There's also some speculation that she'll be hooking up with another member of the Manson family after her release. This is scary, considering how well the buddy-system worked for them in the sixties.

Okay, I'm done....but in case you might still be wondering, in REAL NEWS....the Senate confirmed Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, today.