'Evictions' Lasting More Than Four Hours.....

Monday Night Football is not to be missed if you live in my castle. Advertisers are very good at picking and choosing where the proper commercials should go, have you noticed?  For example, when's the last time you saw Budweiser touting their beverages on the Disney Channel?  Doesn't happen, and I've never see an ad for a Barbie Doll during a football game, either.  So, maybe I should have taken this into consideration before allowing my children to be within audio range of the game a few weeks ago, seeing as how the commercials are tailored toward the average football-viewer (who just so happens to be an adult male.)

Not long after the game, Sophie casually asked me what it meant to 'seek immediate medical attention'.  I thought it was an odd question, but 'seeking medical attention' is a pretty big topic lately, seeing as how both the girls are preoccupied with the swine flu and worried about the doctor actually receiving his supply of the vaccine, thus ensuring an injection neither of them want.  I thought the phrasing sounded familiar but I honestly didn't think much more about it before I answered.

"It means you need to go find your doctor, pronto."

She seemed satisfied with that answer and went running upstairs where I heard her holler out to her sister, "It means you're sick and gotta go to the doctor, Allie!"

When I went upstairs to tuck Allie into bed she was worried about having to go to the doctor.

"Why, don't you feel good?"

"Yeah.  I feel good.  But, mom.  If I get the eviction will you have to take me to the doctor?"

"The what?"

"The eviction.  It said on t.v. if you have an eviction you have to go to the doctor."

I thought for a minute and suddenly got it...she'd actually been paying attention to the commercials during Monday Night Football...or at least the one for male enhancement drugs.  If I could have been a fly on the wall during that little exchange of information between my daughters, I'd pay just about any amount of money.

"If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, you should seek immediate medical attention." 

"No Allie.  You don't have to worry about that one."

"It doesn't make you sick?"

"Well, it won't make YOU sick."

"How do you know?"

"It's physically impossible."

"I don't want to get the eviction and have to go to the doctor."

"Allie.  I promise you will not have to go to the doctor for an 'eviction'."  (Seriously, who has to deal with this crap with a four-year-old?  I couldn't make it up if I tried...and yeah, I'm not about to give her a detailed explanation on why this is a non-issue.)

"How do you know?"

"Because.  Only boys get evictions."

"Do they get the flu?  Or just girls?"

"Yeah, they get the flu, Allie."

"And girls get the flu, right mom?"

"Right, Allie."

"But girls don't get the eviction?"  She asked.

"No.  You have to be a boy to get the 'eviction'." (Good answer, dontcha think?)

"Good.  Cuz, I don't want to go to the doctor."

(Yeah, shut up.  Like you would have explained it any better than I did if it happened to be your four year old.!  And by the way....I told her 'eviction' was not a good word to use at preschool.  I also made a mental note to keep her otherwise occupied during future football games.)

I kissed her goodnight and left the room.  The next morning, I was making breakfast when Sophie sat down at the table opposite her sister.

"Hey Sophie.  Know what?  You can't get the eviction.  You gotta be a boy."

Yes, I did what all normal mothers would do....I immediately changed the subject (Hey look, guys!  A spider!) and the conversation was dropped in the search for my made-up spider.