Christmas Miracles

Having spent the majority of the holiday season knee-deep in shopping and wrapping, it seems as though the true meaning of Christmas has taken a backseat.  I'm guessing this is true of most families.  Its easy to become distracted by the commercialism and forget 'the reason for the season'. 

I came across a news story that gave me a case of the warm-fuzzies.  With all the talk of Obama's healthcare plans, continued trouble in the Middle East, flu updates, financial woes and how the retail industry is faring in our precarious economy, its rather refreshing to read a story like this: CLICK HERE

Now, you can say whatever you want about this story, make whatever excuses you want about how a woman clinically dead delivered a dead baby and returned to the land of the living but the bottom line is that even the doctors are stunned and that tells me modern medicine had less to do with the mother and baby being revived and more to do with the hand of God.  This story reminds me of what Christmas is all about, a time of faith and hope and miracles.

And let me just add a little quote from the Book of Matthew:

"Jesus...said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."  Matthew 19:26

So there you have it.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

So, Where's MY New Car??

Watch a little television during the holiday season and you might walk away feeling just a little left out of all the good stuff.  You might even wonder why your husband doesn't get a clue.  For the record, I think holiday commercials are designed to make husbands everywhere look like the Grinch That Stole Christmas.  The spirit of Christmas is lost on advertisers, apparently, and I wonder what EXACTLY they put under the tree for their own spouses every year...

'Evictions' Lasting More Than Four Hours.....

Monday Night Football is not to be missed if you live in my castle. Advertisers are very good at picking and choosing where the proper commercials should go, have you noticed?  For example, when's the last time you saw Budweiser touting their beverages on the Disney Channel?  Doesn't happen, and I've never see an ad for a Barbie Doll during a football game, either.  So, maybe I should have taken this into consideration before allowing my children to be within audio range of the game a few weeks ago, seeing as how the commercials are tailored toward the average football-viewer (who just so happens to be an adult male.)

Not long after the game, Sophie casually asked me what it meant to 'seek immediate medical attention'.  I thought it was an odd question, but 'seeking medical attention' is a pretty big topic lately, seeing as how both the girls are preoccupied with the swine flu and worried about the doctor actually receiving his supply of the vaccine, thus ensuring an injection neither of them want.  I thought the phrasing sounded familiar but I honestly didn't think much more about it before I answered.

"It means you need to go find your doctor, pronto."

She seemed satisfied with that answer and went running upstairs where I heard her holler out to her sister, "It means you're sick and gotta go to the doctor, Allie!"

When I went upstairs to tuck Allie into bed she was worried about having to go to the doctor.

"Why, don't you feel good?"

"Yeah.  I feel good.  But, mom.  If I get the eviction will you have to take me to the doctor?"

"The what?"

"The eviction.  It said on t.v. if you have an eviction you have to go to the doctor."

I thought for a minute and suddenly got it...she'd actually been paying attention to the commercials during Monday Night Football...or at least the one for male enhancement drugs.  If I could have been a fly on the wall during that little exchange of information between my daughters, I'd pay just about any amount of money.

"If you experience an erection lasting more than four hours, you should seek immediate medical attention." 

"No Allie.  You don't have to worry about that one."

"It doesn't make you sick?"

"Well, it won't make YOU sick."

"How do you know?"

"It's physically impossible."

"I don't want to get the eviction and have to go to the doctor."

"Allie.  I promise you will not have to go to the doctor for an 'eviction'."  (Seriously, who has to deal with this crap with a four-year-old?  I couldn't make it up if I tried...and yeah, I'm not about to give her a detailed explanation on why this is a non-issue.)

"How do you know?"

"Because.  Only boys get evictions."

"Do they get the flu?  Or just girls?"

"Yeah, they get the flu, Allie."

"And girls get the flu, right mom?"

"Right, Allie."

"But girls don't get the eviction?"  She asked.

"No.  You have to be a boy to get the 'eviction'." (Good answer, dontcha think?)

"Good.  Cuz, I don't want to go to the doctor."

(Yeah, shut up.  Like you would have explained it any better than I did if it happened to be your four year old.!  And by the way....I told her 'eviction' was not a good word to use at preschool.  I also made a mental note to keep her otherwise occupied during future football games.)

I kissed her goodnight and left the room.  The next morning, I was making breakfast when Sophie sat down at the table opposite her sister.

"Hey Sophie.  Know what?  You can't get the eviction.  You gotta be a boy."

Yes, I did what all normal mothers would do....I immediately changed the subject (Hey look, guys!  A spider!) and the conversation was dropped in the search for my made-up spider.

Top Ten Random Thoughts For The Week

1.  The recent rain brought every earthworm in the neighborhood to our back patio.  Allie observed that worms' heads really do 'look just like their rear-ends'...(thanks to the book "Diary Of A Worm").

2.  A Christmas tree can have too many decorations and lights.  When this happens, it no longer brings memories of Christmases past, it brings memories of wild nights on the Vegas strip....which is disturbing.

3.  Handling ornaments covered in glitter serves to remind me that glitter really IS the herpes of craft supplies.  Once you've been exposed, you can't get rid of it and you find it everywhere.

4.  Job hunting is really NOT fun.  Also?  It is guaranteed that you will NOT get a call-back from a prospective employer until you are physically incapable of answering the phone...like the moment you step into the shower.

5.  Movie theater popcorn does not actually smell irresistable on its own.  It is flavored with something called "Flavicol" that is meant to enhance the aroma of the popcorn and increase sales up to 25%.  Its the biggest secret in the popcorn industry....we, the consumers, are having our smell receptors hi-jacked for profit. 

6.  I am helpless in the presence of 'Flavicol' and will suck down massive quantities of popcorn once exposed to it, reminding me of a drug-addict left alone in a pharmacy full of controlled substances. 

7.  I have a couple of relatives on my mom's side that I can't help but compare to glitter (see No. 3, above).

8.  One of them refers to me as a bitch.  Interesting choice of words...I prefer 'Diva' but there's no accounting for another's command of the English language.

9.  I thank my lucky stars everyone tells me I'm more like my dad and my Grandma M., their genes must have been more dominant or something.  I don't want to be glitter...unfortunately, I'm more like glue that can't shake all that glitter.

10.  I don't know much about reincarnation but I'm thinking it wouldn't be a stretch for some of that glitter to come back as one of Allie's worms.  As it stands, I can't tell their heads from their rear-ends either....

A Thousand Words Thursday (one day early)

I think we've established the ground rules around here, right?  So, we all know that Betty Homemaker and I have virtually nothing in common and that's okay. The lack of a Betty Homemaker gene occasionally gives me odd sensations that a normal person might interpret as (dare I say it?) guilt.  I assumed I was immune to this emotion, ten years into the parenting game having made me numb to...well...pretty much anything that could possibly be thrown at me.