Don't Touch My Junk Bro! - Interview With John Tyner

Computer geek goes into an airport and stands in the security line for however long (it's rarely less than 10 minutes), gets to the front of the line and decides to object to the full-body scanner, process. No big deal because the security guards have an alternative.  They can pat you down.  Understand, though, if you suddenly (and possibly without explanation) object to the scanner, you've just waved a red flag at the guard.  Before you opened your mouth, you were just Average Joe.  After your refusal, the guard got suspicious (and I, for one, am so glad that he did) and you got a one-way trip to the 'in depth' search.  In other words, you had the pleasure of being felt up (or down) by another male. Your response?  Threaten to have the  guard arrested! Give me a break.

First of all, Jackwagon, there is no law that says you are entitled to get on an airplane.  Follow the rules, get on the plane.  Don't follow the rules, find another method of travel...really, it's just that simple.  If you were opposed to the level of radiation your body would be exposed to by being scanned, I wouldn't find you as incredibly irritating and annoying as I (and doubtless, countless others) find you.  Your reasoning for not allowing the scan?  It shows (gasp!) an outline of your body.  Seriously?  You're making a stink over the scanner because you're bashful?  Worse?  You couldn't handle a patdown?  You had to threaten to have the security guard arrested if he touched your privates (oh, excuse me...that's right, you-Oh Bashful One- cannot possibly say 'privates' or 'penis', you have to be cool and call it 'junk'. Oh yeah, 'you're pretty fly for a white guy'.)
Would it be wrong to wonder what, exactly, you are referring to when you call it 'junk'?  Because from my viewpoint, you've got the balls of a mouse.  In fact, you're likely hiding a va-jay-jay where the 'junk' should be.  (Yes, I went there.)  Most women have bigger balls than you do.  You have a problem with a security guard getting to second base with you?  Be very friggin thankful you aren't a woman.  By the time I'd given birth to my first child, I'd been poked, prodded and felt up by every member of the medical community with the exception of the janitor and the cafeteria staff, and nobody bought me dinner, first.   I am routinely violated by said medical community annually to ensure that I'm cancer free.  Be thankful, Oh Bashful One, that you will never give birth.  Until then, shut your damn pie-hole and go through the stupid scanner or allow yourself to be molested, it's your choice.

Frankly, I don't want your whiny ass sitting next to me on a plane.  I have a problem with terrorists.  I find it far more traumatizing to be blown to smithereens at 30,000 feet than I do being felt up by a guard, male or female.  Remember, he's been feeling people up all day...you're not that spectacular.  He won't even remember your name after the fact.  How's that for the old ego?  Would it have made you happier if he agreed to cuddle with you when it was over?

Granted, the security procedures available at our airports aren't perfect.  They may or may not work, I don't really know, but its all we've got at this point and you look like a buck-toothed jackass complaining about it.  The truth of the matter is, I suspect, that you knew exactly what you were going to say when you reached the front of the line.  You knew you would be searched and you wanted to make a point by threatening to have the poor man arrested if he happened to grab you wrong.  Suck it up.

And just so you know, you were holding your cell phone, which is what tripped the metal detector and likely set you up for the full body scan in the first place.  As a computer geek, I'm quite certain you were aware of this fact, which means  you set the whole thing up.  As a result, you have now been added to the BlackHart Wall Of Shame. Congrats on the 15 minutes of fame, did you have to out yourself as the biggest wussy on the planet when you did it?   Nice job, asshat.