The Tooth Fairy Rides Again!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy Bicuspid, Batman!  "I'm Back in the saddle again!  I'm Ba-ack!  I'm Ba-ack!" (thanks, Steven Tyler and Aerosmith)

We were finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Our bank accounts (and Allie's piggy bank) had recovered from the national debt that was incurred when Sophie decided to shed teeth like our dog sheds fur in hot weather.  I thought we might actually get to take a vacation, buy a new car...do something frivolous with our re-allocated funds...but NOOOO-OOOO.

No, Allie,  aka My-Teeth-Make-Good-Can-Openers, decided if mom was on the phone she wasn't going to bother asking for help to open the new container of Play-Doh.  Big girls don't need help with that stuff!  This was a battle she was sure she could win...until the Play-Doh lid KO'd her tooth in Round One.

Everybody that knows me is well-aware of my ability to handle injuries and blood.  I'm the one that will be crawling around the kitchen floor looking for your fingertip after a vegetable chopping accident while dodging the stream of blood spurting from your stump.  Hell, I'll even baggy the sucker in ice and tote it to the hospital for you if you want.  No problem.  Just don't, and I repeat, DON'T, bring me your mouth wounds...wait...scratch that...go ahead and bring me YOUR mouth wounds, just don't bring me my CHILDREN'S mouth wounds.  I get a little weak in the knees.  I'm horrid, really, because I look at my two beautiful, wonderful, perfect girls and I don't want to find out they've knocked out a tooth they might need, risking their beautiful smiles.  And, just so you know?  Bleeding mouths totally freak me out.

So, I'm chatting away on the phone and Allie comes racing up the stairs (looking like the boogyman has dropped by for a visit or something) and begins to shake and she's white as a sheet so I bend down to ask her what's wrong and-- 'BLAGH!'-- she spits a mouthful of blood.  I, being a pansy in this arena, give a little shriek, "OH!" and this scares the you-know-what out of Allie.  If mom is freaked, it must be serious.  Of course, I recover quickly and move to tell her she will be fine but its too late.  The 'mommy-make-everything-better' ship has sailed and she's not buying it.

"Where's the tooth, honey?"
"I don't know!!!!!!!!!!" she wails.

I give her a paper towel to bite on and we go back down to the kitchen to have a look.  Shouldn't be a problem, right?  Well, it wouldn't have been if she'd lost the tooth before she opened the WHITE can of Play-Doh. (FYI: The magenta Play-Doh was the culprit in the tooth battle).  In any case, there are teensy-tiny white bits all over the kitchen table and I can't find the tooth.

"Allie, did you accidently swallow the tooth?"  I asked.
"NO!  Why??? Am I going to die?" She says and starts to shake again.
"No, it just means I'm wasting my time looking in the Play-Doh."
"Well, what could happen if I did swallow it?"

Ah-ha!  I suddenly know how to fix this situation.  Mommy blew it by freaking out in the first place but as all observant children know, A mommy NEVER jokes when there is a serious injury at hand.  So, I smile and pat her on the head.

"You might poop a tooth."  I tell her, which is exactly the right words to say...because she opens her mouth and starts laughing, leaving me with an unobstructed view of the gaping hole between her bottom teeth.  She's better, of course, but I'm suddenly sad.  I don't want her to grow up so fast....and now she's having her very first visit from the tooth fairy.  Where did my baby go???

The tooth fairy is really glad Allie feels better but she's sort of sad to realize how quickly her baby is growing up...I spot the tooth on the kitchen floor and grab it, which brings me to the next dilemma:

I have some one dollar bills and a five dollar bill.  I also have a ton of coins.  I'm leaning toward the dollar as Tooth Fairy payment but then remember the desperation of scraping together cash for Sophie's first tooth.  She got twenty bucks as I recall...its all I had.  It seems kind of chintzy to give Allie a buck after that...Kevin and I agree on the five.

Let's say it all together now...."This could get expensive!"

The forecast? Hot. Balmy. Melting Polar Ice Caps Kind Of Hot...

I just discovered I've been living under a rock.  While the rest of the country is busy embracing environmentally friendly lifestyles, I've just discovered we have an actual recycling bin.  I'm a little slow on the uptake so I didn't realize that saving the polar bears is actually a legitimate concern and who knew those funky Toyota Prius's actually serve a purpose...well aside from being the ugliest friggin' cars on the planet...low emissions.  Good for the air.  Good for the polar bears.  Bad for the social lives of anyone under 50 who considers driving them.  Unfortunately, this 'go green/ save the planet' stuff is starting to scare me...and not because I'm worried about the ozone layer's depletion....

One of my friends recently told me she'd come across environmentally friendly feminine hygiene products.  Ewww. Seriously, though?  I'd totally AGREE to drive a Prius if somebody told me I'd have to reuse my maxi pads if I didn't.  Really, could there be anything worse than a reusable maxi pad?  How bout an environmentally friendly reasuble maxi pad kit, complete with cloth pads, some kind of detergent and a special 'soaking pot' to clean the pads? I'll tell you what's worse...the cute little vinyl bag designed for storage of used/dirty pads   You are forced to walk around with this little gift in your $400 Coach handbag.  Ewww.  Just.  Ewww. Sick and wrong.  Can you imagine having your purse snatched while toting one of these things?  Robber opens  purse and -SURPRISE! Want to bet the purse snatcher would totally be scared straight after that?  Lends a whole new perspective to the phrase "on the rag" doesn't it?  Don't believe me on this one?  Google "environmentally friendly maxi pad".  I'm still having nightmares. 

Oh, and no offense intended, but if this is the sacrifice I have to make to help curb global warming then I suggest you all go out and buy a freakin' air conditioner because things are gonna get downright tropical in the future...sorry Polar Bear...you're cute and all...but nothing's THAT cute.